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Everyone is feeling a little awkward.” But the Fremont parents aren’t budging.“Any good parent monitors what their child has access to,” says Topham.Or, if they did, it was only to discourage them from being sexually active.“Parents and legislators fail to understand that although they may favor abstinence-only sex education (despite the lack of any evidence of its effectiveness), the media are decidedly not abstinence only,” reads a 2010 American Academy of Pediatrics policy statement.Before we pat ourselves on the back, we should acknowledge that we still have the highest rate in the Western World.” Not only does sex education still virtually not exist in some areas of the country, but school programs that do teach kids about what used to be called the facts of life start too late.A recent CDC study showed that among teens ages 15-17 who have had sex, nearly 80% did not receive any formal sex education before they lost their virginity.“We don’t say, ‘they’re going to drink anyway, let’s give them a car with bigger airbags.’” The parents note that the book was actually written for college students, and refers to college-related activities like bar crawls.(While acknowledging this, the book’s author Sara L. Mackenzie, believes it’s appropriate for high schoolers; her children read it at 13.) The book has been shelved, at least for this year. The Fremont showdown is a local skirmish in what has become a complicated and exhausting battle that schools and parents are facing across the nation. TIME reviewed the leading research on the subject as well as currently available resources to produce the information that follows, as well as specific guides to how and when to talk to kids on individual topics.

They argue that even relatively modern sex ed has even not begun to reckon with what kids are now exposed to in person and online.

And that’s the soft stuff: A national sample study of 1,500 10 to 17-year-olds showed that about half of those that use the Internet had been exposed to online porn in the last year.

How do you learn appropriateness and consent in a culture where Beyoncé’s song about pleasuring a guy in a car is championed by some as feminist and others as lewd?

( The average American young person spends over seven hours a day on media devices, often using multiple systems at once.

Studies show that more than 75% of primetime TV programs contain sexual content, and the mention of sex on TV can occur up to eight to 10 times in a single hour.

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