For a woman who wants to have biological children with her husband, she has one very real limitation in play, which is the need to pick the right life partner by forty, give or take.
This is just a shitty fact and makes an already hard process one notch more stressful.
And at first glance, research seems to back this up, suggesting that married people are on average happier than single people and much happier than divorced people.
But a closer analysis reveals that if you split up "married people" into two groups based on marriage , "people in self-assessed poor marriages are fairly miserable, and much less happy than unmarried people, and people in self-assessed good marriages are even more happy than the literature reports." In other words, here's what's happening in reality: Dissatisfied single people should actually consider themselves in a neutral, fairly hopeful position, compared to what their situation could be.
A frenzy of big decisions for bad reasons and a lot of people messing up the most important decision of their life.
Let's take a look at some of the common types of people who fall victim to all of this and end up in unhappy relationships: Overly Romantic Ronald's downfall is believing that love is enough reason on its own to marry someone.
The rule should be "whatever you do, don't marry the wrong person," but society frowns much more upon a 37-year-old single person than it does an unhappily married 37-year-old with two children.
Unfortunately, the way society is set up, fear starts infecting all kinds of otherwise-rational people, sometimes as early as the mid-twenties.Romance can be a great part of a relationship, and love is a key ingredient in a happy marriage, but without a bunch of other important things, it's simply not enough.The overly romantic person repeatedly ignores the little voice that tries to speak up when he and his girlfriend are fighting constantly or when he seems to feel much worse about himself these days than he used to before the relationship, shutting the voice down with thoughts like "Everything happens for a reason and the way we met couldn't have just been coincidence" and "I'm totally in love with her, and that's all that matters" -- once an overly romantic person believes he's found his soul mate, he stops questioning things, and he'll hang onto that belief all the way through his 50 years of unhappy marriage.The types of fear our society (and parents, and friends) inflict upon us -- fear of being the last single friend, fear of being an older parent, sometimes just fear of being judged or talked about -- are the types that lead us to settle for a not-so-great partnership.The irony is that the only rational fear we Externally-Influenced Ed lets other people play way too big a part in the life partner decision.The obvious conclusion to draw here is that outside of serious socialites, everyone looking for a life partner should be doing a lot of online dating, speed dating, and other systems created to broaden the candidate pool in an intelligent way.But good old society frowns upon that, and people are often still timid to say they met their spouse on a dating site.A single person who would like to find a great relationship is one step away from it, with their to-do list reading, "1) Find a great relationship." People in unhappy relationships, on the other hand, are threeleaps away, with a to-do list of "1) Go through a soul-crushing break-up. 3) Find a great relationship." Not as bad when you look at it that way, right?All the research on how vastly happiness varies between happy and unhappy marriages makes perfect sense, of course. Thinking about how overwhelmingly important it is to pick the right life partner is like thinking about how huge the universe really is or how terrifying death really is -- it's too intense to internalize the reality of it, so we just don't think about it that hard and remain in slight denial about the magnitude of the situation. If you live a long life, that's about the number of years you're going to spend with your current or future life partner, give or take a few.This shouldn't be a surprise -- in life, you usually don't get good at something until you've done it a bunch of times.Unfortunately, not many people have a chance to be in more than a few, if any, serious relationships before they make their big decision. And given that a person's partnership persona and relationship needs are often quite different from the way they are as a single person, it's hard as a single person to really know what you want or need from a relationship.