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Dating somebody suffering fear of abandonment

Now your host, Master Coach Instructor, Brooke Castillo. there can be post-traumatic stress, which is a very normal reaction to stress, and yet so many of my clients of my clients come to me 10 years, 20 years later and are still dealing with it.

When I heard this idea of post-traumatic growth, I immediately purchased every book I could find on it and so excited to have found these books, and I'm going to give you the names of them and we will have them in the show notes so you can go buy them.

Trauma creates suffering, genuine suffering and no one would suggest that suffering is needed in order to grow or that it is advised to suffer in order to grow.

What they are saying is that out of suffering can come growth and can come a growth that maybe would not have happened otherwise.

That horror and that pain is something that we need to avoid just to get out of the situation that we're in. This can be a very helpful thing if you're able to do it, mostly people need to do it with professional guidance, but if you can be in the presence of someone that can hold the space for you to re-experience the trauma at least once and experience the emotions that go along with the trauma that you had to avoid in order to survive it, there is so much healing there.

They give many, many examples of people, they give examples of refugees, and holocaust survivors, and people that are in terrible accidents, and people that deal with unspeakable harm that take those experiences and use them to become stronger and to develop more compassion, more empathy, more awareness then they had before those events happened and they may not have developed those same characteristics had they happened.

Now I wanted to do this podcast, first of all, because I'm thinking about five of my students in particular, five who suffer from post-traumatic stress who have gone through unspeakable things that have come to me and told me how powerful my work has been for them because it doesn't keep them in the post-traumatic stress of retelling the story and re-experiencing it, but it helps them move into the post-traumatic growth piece of that. Yes that happened to you and so what are you making it mean and what do you want to make it mean, and do you want to use that?

Then what happens is once we get through the trauma then we experience the emotion of the trauma in a safe environment if that makes sense. From there, most people with the proper professional guidance, can then move into what they're calling post-traumatic growth.

It's almost delaying the horror because we have to avoid it to get through. There's the time before the trauma, there's the trauma, there's the post-traumatic stress after the trauma and then there's the post-traumatic growth after the trauma.


  1. The fear of love or falling in love phobia is known as Philophobia. The word originates from Greek “filos” which means ‘loving or beloved’.

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