(And just for the record, I’ve said most of them myself.) (MORE: Concierge Moms: Going Overboard With Their Adult Children) 6 Things You Should Never Say to Your Grown Child 1. Like most of us, I’ve read all the articles that warn us not to nag our preteen and teenage kids -- especially our daughters -- about weight or eating habits.And yet I saw this on my cousin’s son’s Facebook page when he returned from his junior year abroad: “Home five minutes and Mom asks, Have you gained weight? Really and truly I have heard parents call out their adult kids’ zits. From our perspective, our kids are perfect, or nearly perfect, so any blemish is a shock.By Linda Bernstein Hint: 'How can you live like this?' isn’t a good conversation starter As my 29-year-old son was ticking off all the weddings he and his girlfriend would be attending in the coming 12 months, I blurted, “So when are ” he said (I swear I could hear the exclamation marks of annoyance) before his sister chimed in, “Yeah, I’d like to know, too.” I was grateful that took the attention away from me, but I was in the wrong -- overstepping parental bounds and sticking my nose where it did not belong.Ruth Nemzoff, resident scholar at Brandeis University and author of "Don’t Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships With Your Adult Children," makes the point that parents transgress the bounds of how we should be talking even before our children grow up.
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I know that when my son’s number hasn’t shown up on my caller ID for three or four days, I begin to worry -- unnecessarily, of course.
These phone silences have more to do with what's going on in his life than how he feels about me. It’s easy to forget that he’s a separate person with his own life. It’s all for the best; [So-and-so] was a jerk anyway. This is your kid, and he or she expects you to fix it, whatever it is: a job rejection, a romantic rejection, a fight with a friend, a bee sting.
And, as both we and our kids age, our blurt-it-out tendencies seem to grow worse.
This list is meant to help you avoid uttering those unintentionally hurtful things I've heard parents say over the years, and to offer some less offensive alternatives.