Allan and I do not like to spend more than two nights in a row apart for the sake of our own relationship.Jim likes to be able to get time alone at his house with me, which means discussing that schedule with Diana and making sure she is comfortable.
When Jim and I started dating, our impulse like any other new couple was to spend as much time together as possible.Each person needs to be able to say “I want your full attention right now” or “I’m not comfortable with you dating so-so” and be prepared for a discussion.Like all areas of life, you can’t always get what you want but if you speak up you are more likely to get your needs met.Jim and I may check in with our spouses while out together, but generally our time is just us.When more people are involved, it’s important that the person who’s time you’re taking right now knows that you are with them. In the excitement of someone who’s interested in you sending a message, you may jump for the phone, but then it’s on your partner to speak up and tell you what they are feeling. Expressing Your Needs If you cannot comfortably express what you need and want, polyamory is probably not going to work.Allan, Jim and I have had some wonderful times together playing board games or just sitting around talking, while Jim and I can go out on dates doing things Allan and Diana are not interested in.We’ve been to concerts, or experienced cuisine not part of a usual date night with our spouses.First off, Allan and I are very careful about who will meet, interact with, and become a part of our children’s lives.If one of us were to date a succession of different people, which hasn’t happened, our children would be unaware of this.The most important thing for them is to be provided with loving adults in their life. We had been friends for about three years before we ever became romantically involved, so Allan and our children already knew him.As he and I have spent more time together, he has spent a little more time with the children.