In a minute I’ll explain what she doesn’t need to know.
Hopefully that will help both you and her to have more productive conversations.
I can’t even imagine how painful this has been for you.
I don’t know how much you know about 12 step programs like the one I am involved in.
When sex addicts are in early recovery, their wives (if they have chosen to stay in the marriage) live in fear. Your wife learned early on that she “didn’t cause it, can’t change it, and can’t control it.” So where’s the balance? Does that mean you can’t focus on your marriage at the same time? I’ve seen it happen enough to know it is possible, even in the direst of circumstances.
Fear that you may lose your job because of a slip at work. But you are supposed to be in control of your recovery, right? Related: Life After Porn–5 Things My Husband Did to Rebuild Trust But if you can get rid of those toxic ideas, and recognize you are stronger than some may want you to think you are, your marriage can survive and even thrive!
The kind of conversation outlined in italics above will not save your marriage, but it could be what gets the ball rolling in the right direction. Depending on where you all are, your wife may even get angry or skeptical about why you are suddenly doing this. A formal or clinical disclosure, done with the guidance of a skilled therapist, is a crucial first step to finding recovery in your marriage.
With over 12 years in the industry of discreet dating advice we know what people want.When I explain this to wives they are almost always very receptive and understanding about this: control) you should be the one finding the therapist and meetings.If she is doing this, lovingly tell her that you want to be the one to do these things because it shouldn’t be her responsibility and isn’t fair to her. If she won’t have this conversation with you, make sure she knows you are there when she is ready to talk, and remind her of this often.Married women feel lonely and neglected because their husbands no longer pay attention to their needs or wants.Thankfully with over 12 years of discreet relationship advice, and sucessful dates, makes it easy for men to find married women who are desperate for something new or just like-minded casual dating.Is there anything else you want to know about my recovery?I really don’t want you to feel like I am purposely keeping anything from you. Here are some things that are okay and even important to keep private.I am currently on step four and am finding it to be a struggle, but it is important to me so I am not giving up even though sometimes I feel tempted to.Fortunately my sponsor is there to talk to me when I am feeling overwhelmed.If she is resistant, don’t let it turn into an argument. If there are still secrets in the marriage, your wife probably senses this and this will hinder effort you take to improve your marriage.Get help from a professional who specializes in working with partners of sex addicts from a sex addiction-induced trauma perspective. Even though she may be afraid to believe anything you tell her or show any vulnerability, she does notice these things, and they do make a difference. Even if there are no more secrets she will still doubt because of the years of lying that have given her no reason to trust.